Adventures in “Single” Motherhood

As usual, once the semester started, I knew that I’d be rather light in my blog postings.  It’s not as if I don’t have plenty of topics to write about; it’s just having the TIME to write on top of the rest of the things that are high on Ye Olde Priority List.

Anyways — I put the word “single” in quotes in the post title because 1) I’m not divorced, just separated and 2) the word single often connotes “available for dating” and — good GOD — that’s the last thing I want nor need right now.  Seriously, if I do find myself divorced, waiting till Daniel’s older — as in 18 years old — to seek some sort of non-family male companionship sounds MIGHTY fine to me.  I’d be — what? 54 years old? — financially independent, past my child-bearing years, and hopefully wiser than I am now, more content in my own skin for a change.

YES, that sounds appealing to me.

For now, I am in the throes of my career as a community college professor.  I’ll be celebrating five years at my current (and hopefully last) college next year, and also next year (in the fall) will officially be TEN YEARS as a professional educator.   Considering my humongous student loan debt that I accumulated to get the degrees that secured my job (MA and PhD), I’ll be pretty much working until I am incapacitated with old age or drop dead in front of yet another PowerPoint presentation.

There’s something a little bit sad yet strangely comforting about that future end of my educational career.

Also, of course, what’ll keep me working is raising Daniel.  I can’t believe he’s three now — his birthday was today — and now he’s officially a Young Preschooler.  He’s into robots and lightsabers now (he’ll be Obi-Wan Kenobi for Halloween), and my younger sister Wen comments that not only does he look like me, but he also ACTS like me when I was a little kid.  (Wen’s only 18 months younger than I am, and she has a great memory, so she does remember me as a little kid.)

Ironically (or maybe not so ironically), even though I’m a public educator (teaching in a community college and all), the only school I’m considering for Daniel after he outgrows his private daycare/preschool is another private school.  Since he’s baptized Catholic and I want him to go through catechesis, a reliable, local Catholic school is the obvious choice. 

Yes — I know the Catholic Church is not exactly experiencing great P.R. right now, what with those damned pedophile priests that the High Powers That Be covered up.  That doesn’t mean that the religion that I’ve adhered to since I was a baby is now null and void — City of Man being different from the City of God and all.  And, believe you me, I will be looking over those adults in my son’s life LIKE A MAMA HAWK, and the first one to hurt my boy will get HIS OR HER EYES TORN OUT.

Ahem… where was I?

There’s a Catholic school nearby that educates kids from age 3 (PreK-3) up to age 14 (8th grade), and that kind of stability — a stability that I didn’t have until I was 10 years old and in 5th grade — appeals to me A LOT.

I’m also considering Boy Scouts and gymnastics because Daniel likes doing “boy” things, likes being around kids his age and older, and likes rough-and-tumble play (running, climbing, jumping, tumbling).

As I mentioned before — I’ll be working for a very long time indeed.

My sister Wen, who has moved in with me as she sorts out her post-divorce life, reminds me of all the things that I am thankful for, even though my marriage is on hiatus: a stable job that I like and pays well, a house that’s just a handful of years of being paid off, and a great kid who gives me a purpose that I never realized was missing when I was young and free — whatever “free” means.

As I admitted to Wen, my life right now is so wrapped up with being a mom that I wouldn’t know what I’d do if I were suddenly to lose my kid. 

And I’m just going to stop that line of thought RIGHT THERE.

Even though the reason for my sister moving in with me is fraught with drama and negativity, I’m glad she’s having the opportunity to start figuring out her own life, for herself for a change, and to get to know her nephew better than she has before. 

As a diabetic, she can’t carry a pregnancy to term, so any maternal feelings that she has would be to pets and her two nephews (and our soon-to-be-born niece).  So I’m also glad that my cat Ed has chosen to sleep in her bed, as she — Ed, that is — reminds Wen of her first and only cat, Taz.

So, in my “single” motherhood, I again find myself being the Big Sister, which is a role that I’ve become unused to since moving out of the family home in 1996 and pretty much lead my own life, separate from my family.  (I did ersatz Big Sister stuff for a former friend and my two brothers-in-law, but that’s different entirely.)

I think I’m getting the hang of it, again.

Okay — how am I going to end this long, rambling post?

Apropos of nothing, my new electric lawn mower ROCKS.  (It’s a Homelite corded model that I got at the local Home Depot.) Ever mown a lawn with one of these things?  It’s like vacuuming a carpet outside — it’s crazy just how simple it is.  Wen, who has never mowed in her entire life and is diffident of the whole “pull rope to start gas mower” process can SO mow the lawn with this.

The Lawn Vacuum Cleaner

That is, if she wants to.  I’m just sayin’.  🙂

Lizardqueen, over and out.

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4 Responses to Adventures in “Single” Motherhood

  1. lizardqueen says:

    He was young Ben — although I ended up carrying his lightsaber. 🙂

  2. Dutton says:

    You’re right–I should have been less of a lurker. But I’ve followed your transition from PQC to NCC hopes and your eventual landing at Eastfield. I’ve kept in touch with Suzanne G., but not with too many others.

    The IPS has stayed pretty close to me–I got to go over some passages of the Odyssey in Greek with my class the other day (they don’t know Greek, but it’s easy to figure out a couple of lines), and I don’t think I would have thought to do it w/out UD. Still, I don’t feel that I’ve joined the ranks of professional educator. Maybe fully invested amateur. There’s usually someone in the classroom who knows more than I.

    Daniel sounds like a handful–three is a great age. Our seventh is almost two, and it looks like Santa won’t get away with putting tissue paper into boxes this year, nor do I think I’ll get away with not taking her trick or treating with the other kids.

    So is he going to be the young Ben or the old Ben?

  3. Dutton says:

    I usually check in every other year or so to see what you’ve been up to (I try to keep up with our UD cohort), but I didn’t know about your summer news–I’m sorry to hear about it. Hang in there!

    • lizardqueen says:

      Dutton! Long time, no “see”!

      The IPS program at UD seems like a long, long time ago, these days. But, like I say to my family and friends when hearing about my separation, it’s okay. It really is. Not that a peaceful separation is preferable to a happy marriage, but given the unhappy environment that both the Hubby and I had been facing, a peaceful separation was the obvious choice.

      And — yeah, I’m hanging in there and, happily, it’s not by my fingertips.

      Gratias tibi et pax!

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