Just a quick entry, to say that I’m alive.
Many things have happened in the world of The Lizard Queen from the previous entry that have made things like teaching and grading look like so much ash. The Hubby and I have been talking about Real Things. And like all Real Things, they make the life-as-usual-and-routine-and-habit seem unreal and inconsequential and lifeless.
Why is it that we really feel alive, really feel the blood in our veins, the bones under our flesh, the heart in our chest, only when it feels like our life as we know it has crashed down upon our heads? Why do we need our lives crashing down upon our heads to become a clarion call to the Real Things that have been on the periphery of our lives but should’ve been front and center all along?
My world has turned upside down, and a brave new world has opened before me and those I love, and I don’t know where I am anymore, in this raw, ripped landscape.
Another poem, from me again, written a while back…
Screams cut through the sound of drowning.
Screams of unfrozen people — who knew it would be like this? Life flows back into their bodies. To them it is like electrically charged water, flowing everywhere, unbound, limitless, shocking in convulsive waves of
Pain pain pain
Screams cut through the sound of convulsive drowning.
My God, my God, what have I done? I pull back, helpless, an enemy — I do not mean to be the enemy. This fire in me, fire, fire, fire — I am burning
I hurt everyone around me, for I am burning
Pull back pull back pull back
Crush it out crush it out crush it out
The fire, back into the dark coal where you came from, throw up the walls of ice.
They were not happy when they were in ice, but their ice death was better than this fiery life — still drowning
Oh, the screams, they’re from them
They’re from me.